There Will Be Time, Later
Once he gave up conventional methods and started keeping time with cigarettes, it was too late.
During the first, with the sun just over the trees casting long shadows of the potted cacti across the balcony, there is the realization that life is too short and unpredictable to keep up his self-indulgent lifestyle. That everyone he’s met in the past two years is doing more with their lives than he. They all create, produce, give, contribute while he merely consumes. That he must, and will, finally discard his parasitic existence for truly noble pursuits.
The second cigarette brings the crest of the sun just even with the horizon in a burst of color against the clouds as he enthusiastically considers the many available opportunities for leading a better and more productive life. He could volunteer his time at all kinds of places – there are seas of people in need.
It’s too early for the light on the timer to come on, and the clouds are making the dusk exceptionally dim. His lighter casts his silhouette against the side of the house as he lights the third. “Why stop there?” he asks himself. In spare time after a day of gratifying volunteer work he could write. He has always wanted to write, but has never had proper inspiration. But now, with this new direction in his life, his creativity will be able to flourish. Stories and poems will be born in every hungry child fed and homeless person clothed. The combination of his compassion and creativity could change the world!
The balcony light flickers on, making the haze of his fourth cigarette more apparent as he realizes that he’s a hypocrite. That he’ll always think these thoughts, but never act on them. That he will forever be able to justify his own existence by considering himself better for at least thinking these altruistic thoughts. That he will always be above those who are living the same life, but never even think about anyone else.
The fifth – that if a place like Hell really does exist it is meant for the people who die before attempting to better the world despite knowing that they should have, could have, any day of their lives.